moscato that was given me
i feel as if i haven’t had an actual clear thought in a couple of weeks at the least. no effort thinking. or no thinking that requires any work. more like, ‘the cat’s got a roach. my face is oily.’ very good.
last weekend i saw a dance show. it was called getting out of limbo, it was evening-length (impressive feat), all set to radiohead. i took notes, intent upon writing a review, got to my computer and four paragraphs later said fuck this.
got a text from my youngest sister who should be returning from berlin soon, saying that she and boyfriend had broken up ‘like for forever’ and she really needs someone to talk to but she might wait until the morning ‘because it’s like three in the morning here.’ she sent the text to at least one other person, a cousin, the daughter of the aunt with the biggest mouth…
so i’ve been hanging out with my facebook open (ooh sounds dirty), and surely surely one of her friends had posted pictures in which she was tagged, out, pasty-faced and bloodshot.
i have been achingly wanting to recount some of the punk-in-drublic stories of my younger days (not, say, anything from this mardi gras) recently… but i’ve been resisting. i think maybe it’s about feeling free. it’s not the time or the age i was… i don’t think. neither is it about the stupid shit i used to do.
maybe some of the less stupid shit. i miss staying up all night and using getting to know someone or getting trashed/stoned/whatever as a platform for actually talking about things that are exciting and important and possible… oh but was that ever the point or just a benefit? i’m full of shit.
boo wah wah hoo.
and i MISS CIGARETTES. taking a hard pull and feeling it burn my throat and warm my lungs and fill me up and what more could a bottomless pit like myself need?
i know there are other things.
everything.
the free samples from sephora aren’t really so bad.
guitar finally went to the shop today. i think i’ve got some songs to write…
i’m going to baton rouge saturday morning to visit with a great great aunt who has always been kinder to me a little more than my other cousins because i actually take some time to speak to her. she’s got some vintage clothing items that she wanted me to look through before she decided to donate them to a museum. i’ve been meaning to visit her for years.
oh! maybe moonrise kingdom is playing in baton rouge! it’s not playing here yet. maybe the boys will decide to stay behind, and after i can go. i’m going to talk to dad about selling me his spare drum kit. i’m going to be less self-aware. i’m going to record an album, i’m going to beat the hell out of some drums, i’m going to hit them hard and hit them fast, i’m going to wake the neighbors, i’m going to not have pre-concieved notions about how to react to things before they even happen.
sister’s not awake yet. have a feeling she’ll be sleeping in.
what else is new? i hate facebook with so many of the ounces of my body. it’s a trap!
i had a short conversation about trap doors and secret passageways today. it was very gratifying. also, a short bike ride before it rained, was really nice. and i listened to the hour of the bewilderbeast for the first time in years.
it’s nearly three a.m. and i’m going to continue the dance party i started in my kitchen this morning that the neighbors interrupted and i’m going to have another drink, cause that’s what i do, in honor of my youngest sister (probably) carrying on the family tradition of making bad decisions while drunk. yee-haw.
i’m full of shit. i’m going to bed, right after this positive note:
i fucking hate when people constantly talk about how blessed they are. shut the fuck up and learn something else! why won’t god ever bless you with one other fucking thing to say? go get blessed. suck a blessed cock. kiss my blessed ass!
